Chemical Warfare
What does it mean to be lazy? The question is a bit more complicated than you may think. After all, is it laziness that makes you groan every time your wife suggests rearranging the furniture? Is it slack that convinces you to let your pool devolve into natural wetlands? Do you feel joy watching a teenager vacuum the inside of your car and steal your spare change?
No one should feel compelled to enjoy duties they despise for fear of being labeled as lazy. You don’t have to delight in your lima beans just eat them.
I believe ignoring how and when task should be done best categorizes being lazy.
Growing up, I was most chastised for this failure than any deliberately rebellious act. I looked for any opportunity to cancel my given duties because they were impossible.
No obstacle was too small. When it was time to shovel the walkway, the shovel was nowhere to be found. “The shed? Are you kidding? There’s six inches of snow blocking the doors!”
No circumstance was too flimsy. “I can’t vacuum mom! The floor has my board game all over it and Greg said he was coming back tomorrow so we could finish it.”
No reasoning was too fragile. “The dishes dad? They look just as clean if we only wipe them off. Don’t you know Africa is in a drought?”
And yet my brother completely out did me. He devised a scheme much more sinister by a power of ten. He would wait out chores my barricading himself in the bathroom for an hour or more.
When duty called, he heard nature instead, “Mom, I can’t do that right now. I have to go poop!”
My parents would sometimes force him to wait until after the job was finished. To counter this tactic my brother would resort to chemical warfare. Somewhere within his rail thin body was a potent reserve of gas. It was stored for any emergency situation.
If we complained about the flatulence, he would blame us. “I told you I needed to go but you wouldn’t let me!”
Most often, my parents and I succumbed to the noxious ploy and Nate was sent to the restroom. On his way, he would grab a box of snack crackers and a glass for the faucet. We knew there were comics hidden under the sink.
“I’ll be back as soon as I’m finished.”
May 27th, 2008 at 8:01 am
HAHAHAHAHA…. Nate does stink!
You know the younger brother also has similar tactics. Whenever its time to clean anything…. Jake can be heard playing his guitar in the bathroom or you will find a cord running from a plug in down under the bathroom door. A cord that looks very much like his DS cord…
May 28th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I believe it to be an effective tactic, and I have written some hot summer hits on the ol’ porcelen throne….
June 20th, 2008 at 1:39 am
I doubt nathan was ever use the word “poop”… and thankfully, he doesn’t avoid the chores anymore…lol