Dodo Eggs

From the Desk of Dr. Norm dePlume
  Professor of Disco Bio-Kinetics
  Winner, Dakota University-Medora Branch’s Employee of the Month (June ’02)

Dear Colleagues,

We are updating the data on the young male subjects currently being housed in their natural environment, the dormitory.  

The short, long haired specimen has been named Binko.  He is a moody artist who takes his juvenile orchestration very seriously.  In fact, anyone who fails to appreciate his free form guitar playing is roundly seen as ignorant and unsophisticated.  His band is named “Fecal Stain” which in an apparent attempt to prune its potential fan base to the bare minimum.

Zits is tall and severely set with infected pores and ingrown hairs.  Many on our research staff wish Zits would grow his hair to Binko’s length to cover the affected areas.  He is gainfully employed at a fast food business where he obtains most of his nourishment. 

Our staff has cataloged all discarded fast food bags, which are allowed to collect on the floor like fallen leaves.  When pressed for food, Zits has reopened discarded bags scavenging for any neglected French fries.  These fries enter a chemically induced mummified state preserving the calories for consumption weeks after initial frying. 

We have offered these week old French fries to starving lab rats.  They were placed at the end of the maze instead of cheese.  In an amazing display of dexterity, the rats threw the fries over the walls and ate their tales instead.

Our first real test involved Binko and Zits’ apparent loss of their olfactory sense.  Our staff sealed the window with an insoluble epoxy then rerouted the ventilation as to endlessly recirculate the same air.

Due to the subject’s amazingly limited physical activity, their need for available oxygen seemed to diminish as well.  After less than a half hour, however, two members of our staff did experience dizziness and nausea.  We treated them with supplemental oxygen and “fresh linen” scent.  We expect them to make a full recovery. 

  I will keep you posted regarding further tests,

    Dr. Norm dePlume
   

• Male Studies (Letter 3)
• Male Studies – Letter 12, Page 1
• Male Studies – Letter 8
• Male Studies (Letter 4)
• Male Studies (Letter 6)